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JE - Not Friends - Akame

Title: Not Friends
Pairing: Akanishi Jin / Kamenashi Kazuya
Rating: PG
Author Notes: Just so you know, soundczech, I kind of deserve an epic of me/whoever for writing this. I think I might have to kill myself now. You better enjoy this.




Not Friends

“You haven’t called me that in ages,” Kame says in a noncommittal voice and looks at Jin curiously. They are sitting in the dressing room after the recording of cartoon KAT-TUN, Jin sipping his coffee and Kame flipping through a magazine without particular interest.

“Called you what?” Jin asks and knits his brows together for a second, then brightens. “Oh, ‘Kame’? I guess not.”

There is silence after that, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s not exactly comfortable either, but things have been like this for quite a while and Kame has gotten used to it. He remembers the days when he and Jin had been really good friends; it’s this wistful feeling in his heart, almost nostalgic, but Kame doesn’t like to dwell on it. It’s in the past and it’s not like he can undo what had changed.

He doesn’t even know why things had turned out different. One day Jin had suddenly not been his friend anymore. He’d started to hang out with Ueda more and more, hadn’t laughed at Kame’s jokes anymore, at all.

Kame clearly remembers how one time, years ago, he’d walked into rehearsal room, where Yamapi and Jin had gone over part of some choreography. They’d been unsure of what step came next and when Kame had helpfully told them, they’d both shot him identical glares.

“No one asked you though,” Jin had hissed at him, his eyes flashing angrily. “Come on, Pi, let’s get lunch.”

Needless to say, Kame had been confused, dumbfounded and hurt. He’d kept replaying the past weeks in his head over and over, desperately looking for something he’d done wrong, something he might have said that had pissed Jin off. He hadn’t been able to come up with anything.

And then Jin had gone off to America.

“Then again,” Jin suddenly says and Kame is pulled out of his thoughts, thoughts he shouldn’t be having, thoughts he was sure he’d given up a long time ago. “We haven’t shared an indirect kiss in a while, either.”

Kame looks at Jin sharply. He’s smirking, but there is also something else in his expression, something Kame can’t quite put his finger on. But then Kame blinks and it’s gone, and all that is lift is Jin’s teasing smirk.

“I guess not,” he mimics Jin’s earlier words; then they’re back to the usual silence.

*

A few weeks later Jin calls him ‘Kame’ during recording again. Only this time when Kame looks over, he can tell that Jin had definitely done it on purpose. Jin is not exactly smiling, but Kame can tell the corners of his mouth are turned up just a little bit and his eyes are full of mirth.

Kame blushes. He doesn’t exactly know why, but he can feel his face reddening, he can feel the heat in his cheeks. It’s not even that special, a lot of people call him Kame, all his fans call him Kame. But somehow Jin saying it, awakens long forgotten feelings inside of him, reminds him of a friendship lost.

And somehow he’s embarrassed.

Kame plays it off, makes a joke, and no one seems to notice. No one except Jin. Kame can tell Jin had noticed the brief moment when Kame felt uncomfortable. He can tell from the way Jin won’t stop smirking slightly.

He can tell, because when they leave work Jin says, “See you tomorrow, Kame.”

Kame is a professional. He has long ago learned how to suppress obvious emotions, like anger, embarrassment, even disgust. It’s part of the job, everyone in Johnny’s has to have the perfect and maintain their flawless idol image. Those who can’t do it end up in scandals and suspension, like Uchi and Kusano. Kame feels sorry for them; it hadn’t really been their fault, and it hadn’t exactly been fair either. He kind of misses Kusano being around and not only because Kusano had admired him. He was a good kid and Kame sincerely hopes one day he’d get a second chance.

But incidents like these have taught Kame to lock it all inside, to never be anything but the perfect idol unless he was home and alone. He’s pretty damn good at it, too, and so after the initial shock of Jin being more familiar with him again, he’s not fazed by it anymore. Jin tries it again, a few more times, but Kame hardly reacts and just smiles and moves on to the next topic. He’s pretty proud of his skills.

Then Jin calls him ‘Kazu-chan’.

*

After that Jin seems to come up with new nicknames for Kame almost every day, with ‘Turtle-chan’ just being the tip of the iceberg. Kame doesn’t know how he feels about it and he certainly doesn’t know how to feel about Jin suddenly being touchy-feely either. He acts just like when they had been younger and best friends, arms slung around Kame’s shoulder, fingers poking at Kame’s cheeks and when Kame hesitantly brushes a teasing hand over Jin’s collarbone, Jin shrieks and swats Kame’s hand away, but he’s laughing, open and free and Kame’s heart aches a little. He wonders if this is really possible, if they can just go back to how they were before.

They can’t.

One day, one rainy, cold day after work, Kame sincerely tells Jin – in a fit of sappy nostalgia – that he’s glad they’re friends. That he’ll always be a friend to him.

Jin’s eyes flash and he laughs. It’s not a happy laugh, not carefree and melodic. It sounds harsh and cruel and Kame feels like someone stabbed him right through his heart.

“Friends?” Jin echoes, “You’re so lame sometimes, Kamenashi. We’re colleagues.”

*

When Kame walks into the dressing room a week later and finds Jin and Yamapi going over choreography, he gets a strange feeling of déjà vu. A cold feeling washes over him and he feels the urge to walk backwards out of the room. They have already seen him though; there is no way he can just leave without a good explanation – and he doesn’t have one.

It’s different this time though. He doesn’t try to help them with their steps; he doesn’t even know what choreography they’re doing. He doesn’t say anything, just nods at them and sits down on one of the couches.

Jin doesn’t greet him back; he just stares at Kame, mumbles something to Yamapi and then leaves the room.

“I don’t know what to do,” Kame says suddenly. He’s surprised himself; he never talks about his feelings, much less to Yamapi of all people. He gets along with him fine now, but they’re far for being best friends. Kame had never considered him to be someone to get advice from, yet here he is, doing just that. “It’s exactly the same as the first time, I don’t know what I did! Why is he acting like this?”

Yamapi stares at Kame for a full minute, face blank. “What do you mean, why? How can you not understand? You’re an idiot, Kame. A fucking retard.”

Then Yamapi leaves, too.

*

Kame doesn’t understand, no matter how hard he tries.

“You’re not serious,” Yamapi says, his voice full of disbelief. “You can’t be serious, I am not having this conversation with you.”

“What conversation? I don’t understand, can’t you just tell me what the hell is going on?” Kame pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. He is sick of dealing with this, it’s messing up his work rhythm and he hasn’t been the perfect idol lately. But he feels like he has to know, needs to know, has to try everything in his power to find out what went wrong this time.

Yamapi chews on his onigiri and eyes Kame for a while. Kame squirms a little; it feels as if Yamapi is just messing with him, but there’s also the chance of finally getting an answer, so Kame doesn’t say anything.

“You’re really fucking stupid, Kame,” Yamapi finally says. “Of course Jin doesn’t want to be friends. Of course not.”

“What?” Kame asks, dumbfounded. “Why not? What does that mean?”

Yamapi stands up and rolls his eyes at Kame. “Figure it out for yourself,” he says as he walks out of the room, “I’m not your love oracle.”

It takes Kame a little over five minutes until Yamapi’s words finally settle in. Love oracle. Kame just sits there wide-eyed for a while, wondering if it was true and if it was, what the hell he was supposed to do about it.

*

In the end Kame decides to pay Jin a visit.

It’s not exactly good idea, but Kame goes can’t come with anything else. He’s never been to Jin’s apartment before, so he asks Yamapi for direction who gives up the location almost immediately and doesn’t comment on it. He eyes Kame with curious, searching eyes though, and Kame feels exposed and awkward under Yamapi’s gaze. It’s as if Yamapi can read his thoughts.

“Bring something to eat,” Yamapi says suddenly, just when Kame is about to leave. “And don’t mention the word ‘friend’.”

“Okay,” Kame says and nods, “Okay, thanks.”

Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe Yamapi was a good person to get advice from, after all.

*

“What are you doing here?” Jin asks when he opens the door and finds Kame on his doorstep with plastic bags in one hand and the other hand shoved in his pocket awkwardly. “Did I miss rehearsal? Am I late for work?”

“No, no, it’s your day off,” Kame says quickly, shuffling his feet nervously, “I just thought I’d, you know, drop by.”

“Drop by?” Jin repeats, his face darkening. “Like the good friend you are? Let me tell you—”

“Not like that,” Kame quickly amends, “Not--- not like a friend. I – nevermind, I’ll just see you tomorrow at work—”

He has already half turned around when Jin suddenly grabs him by the elbow and pulls him inside. The door falls shut with a deafening bang and then there is uncomfortable silence. Jin is staring at Kame and Kame is staring back, at a complete loss at what to say.

“Pi told you,” Jin suddenly shrieks, his eyes widening, “Oh my God, what a fucking asshole, he promised me not to—”

“He didn’t tell me anything!” Kame protests, “He said I have to figure it out for myself—”

“Don’t lie!” Jin cries, “You didn’t figure it out last time. He told you! I’ll kill him!”

Kame stares at Jin and Jin stares back and there is an awkward silence. Its been awkward for a while between them, so Kame should be used to it by now, but this time it’s different, it’s not just awkward it’s like this is the moment that decides what turn their lives take.

He decides to just leave, then, just get out of there, because he can’t bear Jin’s intense stare, the quiet apartment he’s never been to before, the pictures of Jin with his friends – Kame turns to leave, but Jin grabs him by the sleeves and Kame stops in his tracks.

“Kame—” Jin starts and this time it sounds totally different. He’s not saying it in the teasingly annoying we he’s said it lately. There’s a hint of hesitance in his voice, like he’s not sure he should be calling Kame by his nickname, like he’s afraid of how Kame will react.

“Jin,” Kame replies and it feels strange on his lips. He hasn’t used Jin’s given name in ages, not out loud. In his thoughts it’s always ‘Jin’, always has been and always well be, but he’s been calling him by his last name for a while now, Akanishi, Akanishi-kun, polite and detached and cold. “Jin,” he says again, “Jin, what –”

Something flashes in Jin’s eyes and before Kame can react, Jin has grabbed his face and pressed their lips together. If Kame had been asked by anyone what kind of kisser he thought Jin was, he’d have replied, ‘skilled, confident, good.”

His kiss with Jin isn’t like that. Jin seems unsure, can’t decide where to put his hands; their foreheads bump together and Jin laughs into Kame’s mouth nervously. Kame’s stomach did flip flops. This was not what he’d had in mind when he’d come here – it wasn’t that he had never been attracted to Jin before. He had been, but Jin had always seemed into all the attractive girls he met, girls with big boobs that Jin and Pi talk about for hours at a time.

But now he’s kissing him, Jin is kissing him and Kame is flooded with long forgotten feelings, visions of what could have been, scraps of daydreams he’d had about him and Jin—

Jin pulls away and Kame sighs a little, involuntarily, his eyes still closed.

“Jin,” he says in a low voice and when he looks up, Jin is looking at him intently, a goofy grin on his face.

“You haven’t called me that in ages,” Jin says, repeating Kame’s words from a few weeks ago.

“You – you should get used to it,” Kame replies and smiles hesitantly. “Does this – does this mean we’re friends again?”

He’s afraid of the answer, afraid that Jin will go back to calling Kamenashi, will continue ignoring him backstage or glaring at him or –

“Not friends,” Jin replies and Kame looks up sharply. But Jin is smiling, a big, open, honest Jin-smile, as he adds, “Never just friends.”

Comments

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OMG I LOVE JIN AND KAME AND YOU. I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING WITH GLEE AT HOW SAPPY THIS IS. MY FAV AKAME FAN ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ILU!

Jin seems unsure, can’t decide where to put his hands; their foreheads bump together and Jin laughs into Kame’s mouth nervously.

my heart.
FUCK YOU.

ilu2 ♥ ♥ ♥
FROM NOW ON WHENEVER YOU WANT SOMETHING FROM ME YOU HAVE TO WRITE ME AKAME.
Also, I'm just really happy to know you've finally seen the light.
T_______T KOREA THIS IS SO GOOD.

IT'S AKAME. MY SOUL CRIES.
Glad you liked it ♥
♥!

You wrote akame O.O
There is a banner O.o
I - I don't know how to react to this XD
To be honest I don't know either... ♥
I felt a song in my heart. I just wanted to share that. With you.

In case you were wondering, the song was Kizuna.
AS:LFDKHG:LKDS:FLHGK:LDKSF I DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU BUT I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I REALLY LOVED THIS COMMENT.
Thanks for reading &heart; ♥
AW~ so sweetly, mushy and I liked this a lot!
They are too cute simply assuming and totally failing to talk about anything XD.
Thank you for writing and sharing~
Kame is an r-tard, but we love him, anyway. ♥

This was quite lovely!

Gothic Author
This is goooooooooooooood ♥

Also, I was wondering why it feels so weird when I see your username and Akame in one post. Then I read your comment thread with samenashi and finally understood \:DDD/
I just want to let you know that I particularly enjoyed the banner with the flashing pink hearts.

That was beautiful. Kame is so awkward and stupid and aksksl Pi giving him love advice. Wonderful ♥


I ♥ this.....

kame-chan so gullible! XD
yayyyyyyyyyy and pi the genius now i'm wondering if pi is gonna get killed by jin XD
“Pi told you,” Jin suddenly shrieks, his eyes widening, “Oh my God, what a fucking asshole, he promised me not to—”

Oops. Poor Pi.
Although in that situation, a very logical conclusion for Jin to panic about.

Awww ♥ This is so lovely and sappy but not too sweet to handle. ^^

Especially loved Jin getting all outraged at the fact that Pi gave his secret away XD

::gobbles it all up:: Thanks for the great read!

(Also, love the banner.) xP
nice fic accompanied with a banner~! great job!! XD
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