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JE - Five Things Meme, Part III - Pin

Title: Five Lame Excuses Pi Came Up With (After Getting Caught Doing Inappropriate Things To Jin)
Pairings: Yamashita Tomohisa / Akanishi Jin
Rating: PG-13
Author Notes: Again, written for the Five Things meme! In particular for zoeycleybourne - I hope I can make your day a little bit better ♥ ♥ ♥ (also, unbetaed. will be fixing stuff when I noticed mistakes.)


Five Lame Excuses Pi Came Up With (After Getting Caught Doing Inappropriate Things To Jin)
[Yamapi/Jin, PG-13]

1. Just when it's getting good. Why are they always interrupted when it’s getting good? Yamapi curses silently. It had been incredibly good this time, too. Jin had just buried his hand in Yamapi’s hair and Yamapi had nibbled on Jin’s lip and Jin had arched against him in the most pleasant way ever – and then the door had opened.

“Oh,” Goseki says, a slightly embarrassed expression on his face, “Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s not what it looks like,” Jin shrieks and flails a little.

“Jin is helping me practice a few scenes for my drama!” Yamapi adds, nodding solemnly.

“Ah,” Goseki replies, his face red, “Ah, ok. Good luck. With your – drama.”

Later, when Jin and Yamapi are back at rehearsal for their stage play, all of A.B.C. keeps snickering behind their backs.

*

2. It is Goseki again who catches them a few days later in a bathroom stall, Yamapi’s hand down Jin’s boxers, and Jin’s jeans pooled around his ankles. Yamapi had thought they had been extra careful in choosing their spot. They had waited until everyone had gone out for lunch and they had chosen a bathroom no one ever uses.

Apparently that hadn’t been careful enough. Apparently, Yamapi ponders, Goseki either has a natural talent for finding his sempai or a good radar for people who want some privacy to make out.

“Ah,” Goseki comments, and for some reason he sounds far less embarrassed than last time, “Drama practice again?”

“No!” Yamapi retorts, red-faced, “No, I was just helping Jin with his pants! His zipper got stuck!”

“Ah,” Goseki repeats, “I see. Need a hand?”

“No, no!” Jin cries, shielding the general area of his groin with both hands, “I am fine, thank you! No help needed!”

He tries to pull up his pants as quickly as possible – and trips over his own feet in the process. Jin yelps in pain, as he both stubs his toe and hits his head on the open door.

For the next three weeks, all juniors say “Zip it up!” to Yamapi and Jin whenever they pass by.

*

3. Yamapi likes Jin’s lips. He likes them a lot. They’re full and soft and really talented – in short: just entirely kissable. And so Yamapi does what Jin’s lips invite him to do: He kisses Jin, pressing him into the couch and slipping a hand under Jin’s shirt. Jin’s skin is warm and smooth under his touch and Yamapi almost purrs, because it feels so good. Had he been less focused on Jin, he’d have realized it was again the part where it’s getting good, where someone comes in and disturbs them. And someone does, someone opens the door and steps in and stares at them. Yamapi and Jin doesn’t notice the interruption at first, too engrossed in their activities to pay attention to anything going on around them.

“Seriously, you guys,” Kame says in a really bitchy tone, his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline (Yamapi and Jin scramble apart and Yamapi wonders briefly if there is any way at all that this could have looked unsuspicious), “Can’t you do that at home? You’re so unprofessional.”

“What!” Yamapi shrieks, trying his best to sound seriously offended (and failing miserably), “Jin was feeling dizzy! I was giving him mouth to mouth, because I wanted to save his life!”

Jin beams at Yamapi, awed at how quick his best friend came up with amazing excuses, and also because Yamapi wanted to save him from certain death. Hypothetically.

“Oh really,” Kame says dryly, “Were you going to give him an emergency tracheostomy too, then?”

“Yes,” Yamapi agrees immediately, even though he has absolutely no idea what Kame is talking about (he suspects Kame is secretly watching medical shows and trying to be a smartass, but Yamapi is not going to admit not knowing what a trach-something is), “Yes, definitely.”

“Congratulations, Jin,” Kame tells his band mate, “Yamapi probably would have killed you.”

“What!” Jin cries, “Pi, what. You killed me, I hate you!”

Yamapi wants to kick Kame in the face.

*

4. When Shige walks in on them, Jin naked from the waist down and Yamapi kneeling in front of him, the shock alone is enough to make him wish for instant death. But then he takes a closer look (definitely not on purpose) and he chokes on air and coughs violently, and decides that instant death is definitely not quick enough.

And then, when Yamapi looks up, his wet lips glistening in the fluorescent light of the dressing room, and it goes directly to Shige’s groin, Shige wishes he had died in a tragic accident yesterday.

“I. – You. What,” Shige stammers.

“I was just giving him a massage!” Yamapi explains, his voice slightly more high-pitched than usual.

“A penis massage?” Shige can’t keep himself from saying it. “With your mouth?”

“It’s a new technique from Venezuela,” Jin adds helpfully, “Very relaxing.”

Shige chokes again and takes off, praying no one will take a closer look at his pants, specifically how tight the suddenly are. He needs to share his trauma with Koyama. Immediately.

*

5. “Oh,” Ryo says when he finds them, a wicked grin on his face, “Disgusting!”

Jin is bent over a table and Yamapi is behind him, and they’re both naked and sweaty and staring at Ryo with very wide eyes.

“It’s—” Yamapi starts.

“It’s gross,” Ryo interrupts, “I’ll have to wash out my eyes with acid. What’s your lame excuse this time?”

Yamapi pauses. Blinks. Blinks again.

“... I’m really drunk?” he offers.

Ryo almost breaks something laughing.

*

(“Why should we include you again?” Jin asks for the third time in a row.

“Yeah, I don’t get it either,” Yamapi pouts.

“Idiots,” Ryo says (affectionately), “One: I’m hot. Two: I’m hot. And three: I will come up with better excuses than Yamapi.”

Yamapi and Jin can’t help but agree.)

Comments

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I. I THINK I LOVE YOU. NO, REALLY, I'M SURE I DO.

I think I hurt myself. Venezuelan massages are going to be an injoke for a long, long time.
AAHHAHAHAHAH *BEAMS*

And öasjdgsaödgsöad are you serious. I would feel so proud. SO PROUD. Venezuelan massages ftw.

♥ ♥ ♥
Ahahaha yes, how can anyone not know?

A+ icon! :D :D
This. This is brilliant. Like, really really. I was all *______* and holding my breath at number 3, then, Kame, it was all just ahahahha OH GOD, KAME. AHAHHAA. Totez awesomesauce. ♥
Ahahahaha poor prissy Kame. I bet he wishes he'd never mentioned the papercups XD

THANK YOU ♥
XD LOVE LOVE LOVE. *DANCES* SERIOUSLY KOREA OMG. I GOT TO SHIGE AND I JUST DIED DIED DIED. A LOT. LIKE EIGHT BILLION AND THREE TIMES. YES SHIGE GO EXPLAIN TO KOYAMA. BONUS POINTS FOR DEMONSTRATION.

♥♥♥♥♥
*GROPES*

ILU CIARA, SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT. BUT PLEASE DON'T BE DEAD PERMANENTLY, CAUSE I NEED YOU. DON'T LEAVE MEEEEE. And ahahahahhahahh Koyato demonstration XD

♥ ♥ ♥
*__________________________*


BRILLIANCE.


I. COMPLETELY SNORTED OUT LOUD YOU ARE A GENIUS lk;jasld;kfja;sldf I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

“A penis massage?” Shige can’t keep himself from saying it. “With your mouth?”

l;akjsd;lkfjas;ldkfja;lskdf DO ME. *_________________*
MY LOVE

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU FIND THIS SO HYSTERICAL BUT I AM GLAD YOU DO AND ILU AND I AM SAD I CAN'T BE THRE TO SEE YOU SPAZZ IN PERSON ♥ ♥ ♥

adkasldgasd god I love Shige and his fail so much!
SO MUCH!

Omg! OMG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

God, I want to read what happens when Shige runs to Koyama to share the trauma!! In the name of Tego, please write it!

Hahaha! You're fabulous!

(“Yeah, I don’t get it either,” Pin pouts. -> Pi?)
*BEAAAAAMS*

Ahahahaha oh man, how can I reist when you call upon the name of the LORD. öaskjgasldgasd.

Thank you my love ♥

(I CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE PIN INSTEAD OF YAMAPI *HEADDESK*)
“A penis massage?” Shige can’t keep himself from saying it. “With your mouth?”

“It’s a new technique from Venezuela,” Jin adds helpfully, “Very relaxing.”


PIN FTW.

These are brilliance, sheer brilliance!

*SQUEEEEEE*

I love Pin so much I. CAN'T. EVEN.

Thank you ♥ ♥
MORTIFIED SHIGE AND VENEZUELAN MASSAGE FOR THE WIN!

*pictures Kame sitting at home on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy, and plotting snarky ways to use the jargon*

So much win in such a small place!

*applauds and throws confetti*
AHAHAHAHAHH MORTIFIED SHIGE FTW ♥

Ahahaha oh yes, that's totally what Kame was doing. TOTALLY. XDD

Thank youuuuu ♥ ♥ ♥
ahahahaaaa!Ryo was the best!Good fic!I needed this!!!!lol!
Wheee, thank you!!! ♥
ROFLMAODFSKJGHDKLFJSKL.

ILU.

-adding to memories-
THANK YOUUUU ♥

So glad you liked it!
that was great i just love it. it was really funny, i think i like number 3 the best because kame being a smartass is funny. but now you should write a version with yamapi and jin with ryo
Thank you, glad you enjoyed!
And I might :D
“Yes,” Yamapi agrees immediately, even though he is absolutely no idea what Kame is talking about (he suspects Kame is secretly watching medical shows and trying to be a smartass, but Yamapi is not going to admit not knowing what a trach-something is), “Yes, definitely.”

DSAGASGDAGSDAGSD IL PI. AND YOU. I had this dream last night that you started posting you/Ryo fic, and like, I read it in the dream and people replied all "I SHIP THIS NOW!!!!!!!!!! OTP!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then everyone started writing it and making banners and icons. So then when I woke up and saw this on my flist, I have to be honest, I really did think it was some you/Ryo RPS.
AHAHAHAHHAHAHA AHAHHAHAHAHHAH

OH GOD ILU ♥. kajgkblkhasldabsdsad. I AM LAUGHING SO HARD THAT I'M CRYING, NOW LIE. LIKE, TEARS ARE COMING OUT. AKGDALDGALGDBHALDGA. Oh god you DREAM ABOUT ME POSTING ME/RYO FIC dies dies dies. IS THAT HOW CREEP I AM? GODDDD~ BANNERS. ICONS. lasgdajlds i am SHRIEKING. HYSTERICALLY.

... now I can not stop imagining possible scenarios. YOU MAKE ME EVEN MORE CREEP. dies.

skfhsajfhskfa my day sucked cause I spent it all the time trying to come up with some good lyrics....

BUT THEN I READ THIS AND SUDDENLY EVERYTHING IS BRIGHTER.
and im kind of tempted to write a song about how good a threesome between Pi, Jin and Ryo could be...Ofcourse I wont do that (*angst*) but instead I'll tell you how awesooooooooome this fic was XDDDDDD My chin hurts, God. I laughed so hard XD;;;;;

"I'm really drunk"...."I'm hot" ? XDDDDDDDDDDD Hahah~ Lovely excuses yet no one seems to buy them XDDD 'cept Ryo's...cause, well, he IS hot....
Yay, I am really glad that I managed to make your day a little brighter! *BREAMS*

THANK YOU SO MUCH! ♥
Oh but if that is not freaking awesome then I know not what is. XD Excellent use of bitchy!Kame and cocky!Ryo. ♥
Hahahahah I love it when Kame bitches and Ryo is completely full of himself.

THANKS SO MUCH! ♥
My roommate is standing on the porch having a cigarette, and she had the screen door open, but she just closed it because I WAS LAUGHING TOO LOUDLY AT THIS. ILU. THIS IS SERIOUSLY SO FUNNY. A PENIS MASSAGE. FROM VENEZUALA. AND THEN RYO.
DYING.
basdjsadbasd I AM SO PROUD. Also, you Takki icon makes me squee ♥
EVERYONE WOULD LOVE A VENEZUELAN MASSAGE, DON'T EVEN LIE.

Ryo is so ninja, he's in almost EVERY fic, regardless what pairing. XD
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